snippets from my diary

If you are my friend on Facebook, you must have read my post on how I started keeping a diary at age 19. I make a habit to write daily in my diary and when I can't due to busy schedules, I write weekly. I am not a perfect writer neither am I so confident writing in public which is why I love my dairy a lot. It's bereft of judges and sneer comments, I bare my heart, all of it, my thoughts, hurts, hopes and wins in it.

I figured that if I was going to encourage any lady out there, sharing about my low moments, wins and struggle might resonate more than just giving advice because people often find solace in personal stories.

This encounter of mine was my journey into motherhood, its a reminder that life brings a lot of bittersweet experiences that are mostimes out of ones control but with new hope and perseverance, we can turn our sores into beauty.

The time is exactly 23:01pm, 14th March, 2017. I am up to urinate, home alone in the dark night, hubby is at work. I am exactly 10 weeks pregnant. I am bleeding lightly, then I feel the urge to ease my self again. There's more blood, then blood clots falling almost in quick succession. I am panicking, calling my hubby, there's little he can do, he's at work and can only return in about 7hours. I am praying, this is my only consolation at the moment. I am googling what this could mean, refusing to believe what I am reading. I have just put on a pad and two tight shorts, gotten two big plastics of Eva water, switched off my data and laying still. I am drinking water often and muttering some prayers. 

It's 7:03am,15th march, I am the hospital eventually, admitted to the emergency ward. The bleeding is much. It suddenly feels real. Am i going to lose my baby? the ER doctor is not sympathetic, he came in to examine me and bluttered, "oh its common, could be incomplete abortion, we need to evacuate", what!!! Just like that, no consolation nor hope. I am filled with fresh tears and sadness. I'm thinking that I would not have thought two days ago that I would be here.

Everything had been perfect, 25, young and a great life ahead, I was involved in youth activism, teaching girls about periods, unsafe abortion, early pregnancy and leadership in my primary place of assignment. I had the life I wanted. We had plans for the near future and what was happening wasn't in that plan.

one hour later, I am at the scan room to determine the effect of the bleeding so we can evacuate. I am lying still, frozen with fear. I am praying that my womb is atleast intact. In my mind, I am finally saying goodbye to my little pie.

"madam, look, your baby is very fine and breathing" the baby is fine, no signs of harm. Please stand up and meet the doctor, the radiologist says.

Every other event that followed suit, I couldn't recall aside that I was screaming with joy, calling devil a failed bastard. lol. (you can't imagine).

Back at the doctor's office, I was immediately placed on 7 months bed rest, which meant house arrest and quitting every activity I had planned. I had to leave everything to stay back in Lagos.


My baby is fine. That's all that matters.


She's almost 3 today with lots of wahala but I always recall this event every time and wonder how I could have really missed this ever vibrant and bubbling pumpkin. See her👉


Life dishes us with a lot of things, sometimes unexpected. I am reminded that there are women who have probably heard, "I'm sorry ma'am, you lost the baby" countless times. My heart goes out to them in solidarity.

There are stories of people, stories of pain, loss, rejections especially young persons who feel that they are alone in their struggles so they bottle up a lot and suffer in silence. I've been there before until I read other people's stories and realized
how similar our lives are.

Stories are powerful, sharing your stories can help someone heal in many ways, this is why I encourage myself to share them often.


So, if you are that woman, you are not alone, and if you want to share, I will be reading and hopefully smiling just like I'm doing in my picture.